Welcome to post #400.
When you write on the subjects I do, you sometimes have to put up with a little interference from the military industrial complex. It was bad enough when they simply intercepted the mail to the email@example.com account. But now they’re starting to redact it!
What’s worse, their redaction software seems to target only the names of musical artists. See if you can tell what’s going on between me and my cyberfriends by filling in the redacted spaces, each of them containing the name of a band or vocal group (watch out for bad puns, deliberate misspellings, and—how can I put this?—innovative punctuation).
1. I didn’t have the [redacted] to tell Prism that I probably won’t get to the Philippines in time to celebrate Christmas with her.
2. Lend an ear to punster SJ, and he’ll fill it with [redacted]y jokes.
3. Foam cautioned me on my upcoming trip to the Rockies, writing, “Look out for [redacted], especially near Boulder.”
4. I asked Charles if he had visited the ear doctor lately. “[redacted]?” he replied.
5. When I told Cora she had a will of [redacted] simply said, “Thanks for the compliment.”
6. Enemy of the Republic and I took a day trip to interview a group of cavemen living in southern New Jersey. We noticed that in their numerical system, the numbers jumped around sometimes. When Enemy asked why they had no numbers between thirty-seven and thirty nine, they replied, “[redacted].”
7. Crushed thought that Ms. Goodall might have a drinking or drug problem, but I told him that [redacted] is to animals.
8. When Fatty and I finally hooked up our microphones together, we sang the Christian favorite, “He’s Got the [redacted] World in His Hands.”
9. When I went to visit Aggie, I drove on the wrong side of the road and almost hit some poor slob on a construction crew. I didn’t see him, but Aggie pointed out a sign that clearly said, “[redacted].”
10. Benjibopper told me that he once burned his tongue by eating too many [redacted].
11. Yinyang said that when she passed by the patch, she saw a few of her classmates [redacted].
12. K9 said that every Thanksgiving she helps herself to the turkey, the mashed potatoes, the stuffing, and the pumpkin pie, but she avoids [redacted].
13. Boneman passed on a bit of trivia. As a young man in Illinois, President Honest Abe himself worked as a garage attendant. Truth be told, I’d pay anything to watch [redacted] cars.
14. Fellow musician JohnB showed me his banjo collection. He numbered each instrument, so I naturally found [redacted] right next to BanjoV.
15. Enigma4Ever had an opportunity to ask President Obama what he would do if teenaged flesh-eating zombies ever posed national security problems. He said that he would initially [redacted]. If that didn’t work, he’d impose tougher sanctions.
16. One of our friends from up north said that if he were a tenth-century Norseman, he might have written a team blog titled, “The Passion of the [redacted].”
17. Jean and I took a little trip down the east coast. I drove while she counted Volkswagens, 158 of them all. “My gods!” she exclaimed. “[redacted] were out in full force today!”
18. Malcolm posted a story of how police found Sylvester Stallone, his mom Jackie and his brother Frank wandering aimlessly about in a lonely woods, and barely able to speak. The cops thought they might have been intoxicated, but drug and alcohol tests were negative. For now, it’s left everyone to wonder just what it was that got [redacted]d.”
19. Devin’s history of 1930s gangsters included one post in which the Lady in Red criticized Dillinger’s poor driving, prompting the notorious killer to groan, ‘You’ve got a lot of [redacted].”
20. When I visited him in Japan, NYD took me up to a scenic overlook. Down in the lowlands, next to the river, I saw a number of surplus military vehicles. They all started this rhythmic pulsing, each pounding away in it’s own lyrical groove. I asked him where we were, and he replied, “This is [redacted].”
21. Dr. Alistair told me about the time he counseled a pair of identical twins. They complained about each other quite a bit. “She’s always tying me up in knots,” groused one [redacted].
22. Helene said she wanted to make another trip to Europe, and the cheapest fare flew out of Long Island. In fact Ft. [redacted]s were usually cheaper than those leaving out of JFK, LaGuardia or Newark.
23. Middle Ditch character Randolph Minton seems to spend much more time with Lady Annabel than he does in [redacted].
24. Pjazzypar fell asleep before the rumble, but didn’t wake up when it started. You see, it was a [redacted].
25. Libby wanted to form a murderball team in her home state of [redacted] were kinda hard to find, though.
26. Ray’s wife begged him for years to buy a bottle of a special perfume for her birthday. One year, he finally bought it. Carped he, “Here’s your [redacted],” before giving it to her.
27. Once he moved back to New York, Ricardo saw a dealership that specialized in classic cars. One 1960s Cadillac immediately caught his eye. “Lemme guess,” he said to the salesman. “That’s a ’65 Coupe DeVille, right?”
The salesman looked at him with disgust, and said, “Are youse kiddin’? That’s a [redacted].”